This entry is a long one, it's just so I would remember what happened and to learn from my stupidity. Don't read if you don't like ramblings xP

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It is almost the end of the year with only 2 months left and it had been a rather eventful year by far.

about September last year when I had about a year since I've graduated from UCSI, I've been thinking hard and decided that music is really what I wanted to do with my life and started researching and applying for graduate studies. I guess this process is the most tedious of all. taking TOEFL and GRE as it's a requirement for most schools, with hardly enough time preparing for it since I was working everyday of the week but I managed to pull through those. phew.

The hardest part was probably preparing the audition DVD. I haven't had any time for my piano since I've started working and had become rather rusty. So I've squeezed in piano classes in between my work schedule. I'm so grateful that Ms. Morag was so patient with me, and helped me a lot preparing a 40 minutes performance from memory and then recording it. It didn't always go smoothly though.. I had begun neglecting my health, I've began getting stressed and then it was about... hmm late January, or early February that I literally collapsed. It seemed as though I was possessed or something, cause I continued to push myself and then hurt my right arm to the extend that I can't even move it without feeling intense pain. It took about a week before I could move my arm again, but even then it didn't feel the same, it's as though, the arm I have isn't mine, it felt heavy. But I since I didn't have much time left, I recorded for my audition anyways, and sent them in. It was an excruciating experience, as I was so frustrated that I couldn't play like I used to. I think in between my busy schedule it took me ages to get that recording done, and many times I just broke down and cry, thinking if I really want to do this, perhaps I should just give up or something. In the end I just told myself to record myself one last time and whatever happens I'll send that recording in, and I did. By April, I got my acceptance letters. I guess all that hard work paid off.

The pain in my arm at that time still come and go and it still felt heavy. But I guess, me being me, I pushed myself to memorize an hour programme and took the LTCL Piano Recital exam. It was a bad idea haha. I didn't pull through that one, as my arm was still recovering and I'm still emotionally stressed. I guess this really lowers my self-esteem.

What I'm grateful for is that I have a trip to Bali with Sonya and Choon Siang which I really looked forward to. That one week of holiday was really refreshing. It took my mind of things and I get to spend time with the friends that I have known for at least 8 years now (with Sonya it's probably hmmm 16-18 years not sure haha)Then I took a one month break away from work and everything else before I go to Texas for my studies. It was really nice, cause for the first time in ages, I actually have time for my family and friends. I knew then, while I do want to work hard for my future, I will make time for the people that matters to me. Guess that means no more working 12-14 hours a day haha.

While I still have some stress (who doesn't?) they are very minor these days. I have a lot to smile about too. I've a supportive family, made new good friends, have a caring boyfriend, great teacher who is always the cheerleader, and awesome room mates. I treasure them <3 Now I have to make sure I don't get stressed out too much for my performance on Friday ; Getting nervous.